Crab with a "K"

Hello, everyone! I want to start off by saying how kind everyone has been to drop me notes of sympathy this week at the passing of my old friend, Percy. I was truly touched by the outpouring of compassion, and it has really been helping me get through this difficult time. So thanks again.

Now, onto a food-related topic, eh?? Ok, I have a confession to make. I love krab. No, not crab, though I love the real deal in all its forms. In fact, I grew up on Dungeoness in my beloved homeland of Oregon. My mom and I often visited the coast (Bandon-by-the-Sea was our special place), and we never failed to come back with several of the tasty little monsters, in addition to some Bandon cheese, of course. Also, when I used to visit my dear friend, John, in Sonoma County, we used to drive over to nearby Bodega Bay and buy fresh crab right off the docks from a gnarly old character of a fisherman (read: Fish Nazi). And if we were very lucky, he'd also have the tastiest little langostines that I have ever eaten--but that's another story. Still, I enjoy the imitation crab--surimi, if you will. I don't love it more than real crab. I love it as its own entity. Kind of like Taco Bell...I don't love it better than "real" Mexican food. But I still love it as its own category of trashy cuisine.

I think my fondness for krab began in graduate school back in Seattle at the beginning of the 90's. First of all, I was an impoverished student, and it was CHEAP. Secondly, I was doing the Weight Watchers thing back then, and as krab is essentially nonfat and high in protein, you could have a lot more of it than other kinds of meat. Indeed, to this day, I make an excellent stir-fry pasta dish with krab that hails from those early days. I am also a fan of fish tacos and nachos made with surimi. And I enjoy a seafood salad made with imitiation crab, too. But last weekend when I was staying in Enfield, Connecticut, I had dinner at a really great Chinese buffet called the Royal Buffet that had all types of delicious dishes. But my favorite thing on the buffet was this kind of a seafood gratin bake that featured krab and corn and lots of cheese. Simple, really, but man, was it good! So I have had it in my mind to try to recreate a similar dish at home, and below is what I came up with. This is a rare "quick and easy" recipe from me that is also inexpensive, so I hope it will help folks out during this busy holiday season. It's even elegant enough to serve for guests, unless they have crab with a "k" issues. But if so, why are you hanging around with snooty people like that anyway? Get some better people around you and cook for them instead! ;-)

Oh, wait, one more thing...speaking of trashy cuisine. Have you all tried the new vanilla Frosty at Wendy's yet? I've always enjoyed the traditional Frosty, despite its lack of chocolatey-ness (more on the lines of a Nestle Quik shake, isn't it?). But the vanilla version is just delish! Super-creamy and very vanilla-y and quite a bit less expensive than other kinds of blizzards, cyclones, or concretes, I might add. Yes, you can get mix-ins, but I don't see the need. It's delightful on its own. So there's a little holiday gift for you, from Wendy's and me. Ooh, ooh! And I've just remembered one more seasonal goodie recommendation. If you are lucky enough to live near or have access to a Trader Joe's, you simply must try their Candy Cane JoJo's! These are their house brand Oreo-type cookie, but with a mint-flavored filling including crushed up bits of candy cane. If you like the Girl Scout Thin Mint, this will definitely be your cup of tea! Ok, ok...now onto the Krab Gratin:

Krab and Corn Au Gratin

Bechamel:
1 stick butter
3 tablespoons flour
2 cups whole milk
1/4 cup parmesan cheese, freshly-grated (don't you DARE use that nastiness in a can!)
pinch of salt
few grinds of pepper (to taste)
1 teaspoon granulated garlic (or two!)
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper (up to 1/2)

1 pound imitation crab (or real lump crab or a combo of crab and other seafood like shrimp or scallops)
2 cups corn (cooked, if fresh or frozen, or a drained can will do fine)
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Spray a 9 x 13 casserole dish with pan spray and set aside. In a large saucepan, melt the butter. Add the flour and cook until the mixture starts to take on a little color (golden, not brown), whisking frequently. Slowly add the milk and cook until mixture thickens, whisking constantly. Turn off the heat and add the parmesan, salt, pepper, garlic, and cayenne. Whisk until smooth. Add the imitation crab (or seafood of your choice) and the corn to the sauce and fold everything together gently. Pour into the prepared baking dish, top with cheddar, and bake for 30 minutes or until everything has heated through and the cheese has melted and started to brown just a bit around the edges. Serve over pasta or rice or biscuits (I used some lovely pappardelle from Trader Joe's that I picked up in Hartford, CT last weekend).

Goodbye, my sweet old man...

PERCY LINDSEY (March 14, 1991-November 27, 2006)

I know this is a cooking blog, but I hope you'll let me share. My old cocker spaniel, Percy passed away yesterday. He was almost 16 years old, and he had not been doing well for some time. He was blind and deaf and senile and incontinent and crippled with arthritis and had a (benign) tumor as well. He was also starting to have mild seizures every so often. I had struggled with the dilemma of whether or not to put him down for a long time, but every time I was ready to make the decision, he'd rally for a few weeks, or we found an effective medication to put him on, so I would postpone. (In fact, as you may recall, he just gave me a scare two weeks ago when he managed to escape half a mile up the road!) But I knew we were getting close this time. I was away for the weekend at the dog shows in West Springfield, and my roommate e-mailed me that he had stopped eating and drinking and was vomiting and had diarrhea. When I got home and saw him, I knew. I called the vet and told them that I would be bringing him in first thing Monday morning. But he didn't even make it through the night. :-(

The good news is, I know that he waited for me to get home so that I could say goodbye. I held him for a long time Sunday night and talked to him and loved on him, and he knew me, and he gave me many kisses--something that has not happened in awhile. And I am so very glad that he's not suffering anymore. It's been just terrible watching him go downhill. But it is so hard to not have my old friend of nearly SIXTEEN YEARS with me anymore. He was my first dog that was all my own as a young adult, and I can barely conceive of a time without him.

I remember him choosing as a puppy in Auburn, WA. I wanted a buff-colored girl, but my friend, Stacey, talked me into the sweet, black and tan boy, from an "oops" litter of a purebred cocker and some sort of fly-by-night terrier in the neighborhood (best twenty bucks I ever spent!). I remember walking him around Green Lake in Seattle as a baby and the ooh's and ahh's of passers-by who thought he was adorable, and then using that cuteness factor to help to schmooze customs officials so that my Canadian friend, Kevin, could keep his car in the US. I remember how sad I was when I had to leave him behind in Oregon with my mom when I went on to Illinois to find a place for us to live, and I remember my first trip into the big scary city of Chicago to pick him up at the airport (and freaking out when I couldn't find the right building!). I remember him being my only friend in Kankakee when I didn't know anyone. As a young woman starting my first real job in a new part of the country, it was such a comfort to come home to him every day. I also used to take him up to my office at Olivet Nazarene University with me every night when no one else was in the building. I remember a petsitter that didn't keep in touch one time when I was visiting home during the summer, and how my friend and colleague, Ruth, an English professor at the college, went to make sure that he was alright for me and put the fear of God into the lousy petsitter! I remember how all of my many roommates at the house on Mertens Street in Kankakee loved him, and how my roommate Karen's mom taught him tricks like rolling over and giving high fives. I remember another roommate, George, making him howl by meowing like a cat. I remember how my tiny friend, Tony, could just about fit on his bed with him. I remember him sleeping close to another friend, Carl, on the huge couch we called "The Coffin." I remember him in the moving truck with me and and my friend, John, heading to Utah. I remember lots of quality time spent at dog parks in Salt Lake City, camping at the national parks, and hanging out at my friend Kurt's house with his whole pack of creatures. And he was so glad when my mom moved in with me because she would stay home with him while I was at work, and he would sit beside her chair all day for constant petting and too many cookies. I remember him accepting mom's terrier, Rascal, back in IL, then her weiner dog, Hilde in UT (even Hilde could be a mean little cuss!), and finally, his good friend, Rosita Judd, the basset hound. I remember him always being gentle with the kitties, too. (In fact, we currently have a cat called Pudge who always considered Percy his momma, and nuzzled him constantly, much to the Old Man's chagrin!) I remember the terrible move from UT to New York. Two humans, two dogs, and two cats squeezed into the front of that hideous truck during the hottest part of summer. After the sun went down, we would put them all in the Grand Am and tow them behind. I could see his long ears flapping out of the car windows in my rear-view mirror. How he always loved riding with his head out of the car window, his eyes all squinty and his ears flapping! He also loved swimming, as most spaniels do. I remember the time when Prunelle the PBGV "surfed" on his back in the Chazy River (as hounds generally do NOT prefer swimming!). And how he loved his toys (mostly disemboweling them!) and his chewies and bones. But mostly, I think I'll remember how he greeted every guest that came to the house with a toy, like a welcoming gift. I will miss my old friend so very, very much...

Rest in peace, Bub. I know you are up there, running around again without pain in your hips and joints, rolling over and giving high fives, bringing toys to everyone to play tug of war with you, and yapping with joy. And I hope that my mom, Fran, is there with you, to look out for you and keep you by her side, petting you all day like she used to do until I can see you again myself. You were dearly loved, Old Man, and you will be profoundly missed.

Gobble, Gobble, Gobble!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, everyone! I hope you are all having a delicious holiday with friends and family. I have a big dog show this weekend in West Springfield, Massachusetts, and I leave tomorrow at the crack of dawn (I hope we do as well as Fairchild did today in the "National Dog Show"--group one, yahoo!). So I am not going to my friend Lee Ann's in Saranac Lake like I normally do, but making dinner at home just for me, my roommate, Cyd, her friend from school, Rachel, and probably our next-door neighbor, Ken, too. Since we are a small group, we are going to keep it pretty simple and traditional.

Here's the menu:

Emeril's Relish Tray (Lee Ann makes this for me every year, as I love it so!)
Brined and Roasted Turkey
Cranberry-Orange Relish (and the ridged jelly stuff in a can for Rachel--eww!)
Sausage, Onion and Sage Dressing
Mashed Potatoes and Gravy
Roasted Maple and Brown Sugar Sweet Potatoes
Vegetable Melange (julienned green and yellow beans with orange and yellow carrots)
Chocolate Chocolate Cream Pie
Apple Pie

And here are some of the recipes. Why not all? Well, I'm sure you can make mashed potatoes on your own, I just steamed the veggies in the microwave, I've already posted the chocolate cream pie recipe, and we bought the beautiful apple pie at an orchard in Quebec when we visited L'Ile-Perrot awhile back--isn't it pretty, though? But here are the rest:

Relish Tray
(Source: Emeril Lagasse's Every Day's a Party)

1/2 pound green beans, ends trimmed
1 pound baby carrots
1 head cauliflower, cut into florets
1/2 pound celery, cut into 3-inch pieces
1-pound jar Kalamata olives packed in vinegar brine and olive oil
11.5-ounce jar pickled peperoncini
16-ounce jar pickled hot cherry peppers
10-ounce jar pickled imported Spanish Queen olives stuffed with pimientos
8-ounce jar pickled Holland cocktail onions
20 fresh basil leaves
6 sprigs fresh thyme
6 sprigs fresh oregano
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 cup olive oil

Blanch the green beans and carrots separately in a large pot of boiling salted water for 4 to 5 minutes. Drain, and shock in ice water to cool. Put all of the ingredients in a large glass bowl. Toss to coat the vegetables evenly with the olive oil. Refrigerate for 8 hours before serving in shallow glass dishes.

Yield: about 12 servings

Roasted and Brined Turkey

1 10-12 pound turkey, thawed
8 quarts water
1 cup kosher salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 lemons, quartered
1 bunch fresh thyme (at least 6-8 sprigs)
2 sprigs rosemary
6 garlic cloves
2 onions, quartered
4 bay leaves
1 tablespoon black peppercorns

Combine all brining ingredients in a large cooler or bucket. Submerge turkey (weighting down with a plate if necessary) and refrigerate overnight (12 hours is optimal but 8 will do).

Remove turkey from the brine and rinse and dry thoroughly. Place in a roasting pan with a rack and fill the cavity with an onion (quartered), a lemon (halved), and about four cloves of garlic and a handful of fresh herbs (of your choice). Coat the turkey all over with one stick of softened butter and season well with salt and pepper. Roast for about 2 1/2 hours at 350 degrees until joints feel loosened and the bird is well-browned. Let rest for about 20 minutes before carving and serving.

Cranberry-Orange Relish
(Source: Kerr's Home Canning and Freezing Book)

2 lbs. fresh cranberries (about 8 cups)
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup water
1/2 orange with peel, seeded and finely chopped
1/2 cup orange juice or orange liqueur

Combine sugar and water over medium heat, stirring until sugar dissolves. Add remaining ingredients and bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Boil until cranberries pop and mixture thickens, about 7-10 minutes. Save out a pint for your Thanksgiving dinner, and can the other 2-3 pints for Christmas (10 minutes in a water bath).

Sausage, Onion and Sage Stuffing

4 tablespoons butter
1 pound pork sausage
1 cup celery, finely chopped
2 onions, peeled and finely chopped
1 tablespoon poultry seasoning (I love Watkins')
1/2 teaspoon rubbed sage (or up to one teaspoon if you really love sage!)
salt and pepper to taste
14-ounce bag stuffing cubes (or your own dried bread cubes, if you prefer)
2 1/2-3 cups turkey stock (homemade is best, but canned with do (low-sodium, though!)

Melt the butter in a large skillet. Add the sausage (crumbled), celery, onions, and spices and cook until the sausage is browned and the vegetables are soft. In a large bowl, add the stuffing cubes and the sausage and veggie mix. Stir together. Add enough turkey stock to reach your desired level of moisture (I like it medium--not too dry but not mushy either, which took a little less than three cups).

Place dressing in a buttered casserole dish, and bake for about 30 minutes at 30 degrees or until it's browned on the top and bottom.

Mashed Potatoes and Gravy

Make mashed potatoes the way you like them. I peel and chunk them up and then cook them until tender in chicken broth for added flavor. Then I mash them by hand (I like lumps!), and add butter and evaporated milk until I reach the desired consistency. Finally, I season with salt and pepper.

For the gravy, place the roasting pan with the turkey drippings on the front and back burners of your stove on medium. Heat up the drippings and add at least a half cup of a good red wine (I used a cab merlot this year as there was some sitting out unused on the counter). Add about a half cup of flour and whisk and cook for a minute or two get rid of that raw flour taste. Add turkey stock (maybe eight ladles or so--until you reach the right consisency) that you have made from the browned giblets, onions, garlic cloves, bay leaves, the herbs or seasonings of your choice, and of course, water (about 2 quarts, I'd say). You could throw in some celery and carrots if you like, as well (I didn't this time). I also added a couple of teaspoons of chicken bouillion to kick up the flavor a bit, so I did not add salt, but definitely lots of pepper. After you've simmered the stock for an hour or so (or until you need it), strain the bits out. Whisk constantly as you add the stock to the gravy to avoid lumps. Keep gravy on the lowest simmer until you're ready to serve.

Roasted Maple and Brown Sugar Sweet Potatoes

Peel and cut four sweet potatoes into chunks. Dress with a few tablespoons of olive oil, a sprinkling of both cinnamon and cayenne pepper, and season liberally with salt and pepper. Fill an unlined, ungreased half sheet pan with the sweet potato chunks, scatter bits of butter on top (4 tablespoons), and roast along with your turkey for about a half an hour. Toss them around with a spatula, sprinkle with about a quarter cup of brown sugar and drizzle with a quarter cup of maple syrup, and toss again. Return the pan to the oven and roast for another 15-30 minutes until tender and caramelized. Correct seasoning and serve.

Dinner at Trattoria Doe-Waite

Quite often on Friday evenings after a long and/or trying work week, a small group of friends and I go out to dinner at some local restaurant or another. The problem is, we just don't have that many decent restaurants in this teeny town! So two delightful members of our supper club were kind enough to invite us over to their house for dinner. Angela, the cook of the house, made some scrumptious entrees including something she called Venetian Chicken. The chicken breasts were lightly breaded, topped with tomatoes, garlic, balsamic and heaven knows what else. But they were beautiful, perfectly moist, and mighty tasty! She also made something that I shouldn't even try to pronounce or spell...something like Crespelle con (alla? agli?) Spinace--that is, spinach crepes with a delicious besciamella with just a trace of nutmeg. SO GOOD! (Yes, Angela is VERY Italian! And we bless her for it!)

Of course, I couldn't go over to the Doe-Waite household empty-handed. My mama didn't raise me that way! So I volunteered to bring dessert. I had the vision of combining two pie recipes from Ken Haedrich's book--a pumpkin cheesecake pie with a praline topping. About a week before, I floated this pie idea to our other hostess, Jen, who traumatized me by suggesting that not everyone likes pumpkin pie. So I feel compelled to make a second, back-up dessert to be on the safe side. I made one of my very favorite dishes, a croissant bread pudding that I prefer unadorned, but that I zhoozhed up with dried cherries and almonds and a cherry brandy sauce for this affair. Both desserts turned out perfectly, but the guests DEVOURED the croissant pudding (having seconds and even thirds!), and most of them never did make it to the pumpkin pie. I truly don't think it was a matter of not liking pumpkin pie as Jen (so meanly!) predicted, but they truly were swooning over and filling up on the bread pudding. So I left part of the pie for the hosts to enjoy the next day, and brought the rest home to share some with my next-door neighbor who said it was the best pumpkin pie he's ever had! In any case, both of these would make excellent additions to your holiday table. Enjoy!

Praline Pumpkin Cheesecake Pie
(Source: Ken Haedrich's Pie)

a single pie crust (your favorite--I made a half whole-wheat graham crust that was just wonderful with the spiced pumpkin filling and nut topping)

1 8-oz. package cream cheese
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup firmly-packed brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 large egg yolk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
zest of one lemon, finely grated
1/2 teaspoon groud cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup pumpkin puree
2/3 cup light cream or half-n-half

Prepare the pastry and fit into a pie pan, crimping the edges. Freeze for at least 15 minutes, then partially pre-bake the crust. That is, bake for 15 minutes at 400 degrees with parchment or foil and the pie weights of your choosing, then another 10-12 minutes at 375 uncovered, docking the crust with a fork. When the crust is just starting to brown, remove from the oven and paint the holes and any cracks with a bit of beaten egg white. Return to the oven for a couple of minutes until the egg white hardens. (This will protect the crust if the custard leaks.) Let the crust cool.

Cream the cream cheese with the sugars. Blend in the eggs and egg yolk, then the vanilla, lemon zest, spices, and salt. Add the pumpkin and cream and mix until smooth. Pour into the cooled pie shell and smooth out the top.

Bake for 40 minutes until the top has puffed slightly and maybe cracked a bit around the edges. (The middle can be wobbly but not soupy.) Let cool to room temperature on a wire rack, then refrigerate at least four hours. Top with praline topping (below).

Praline Topping:

1 1/4 cups chopped pecans
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, melted
2 tablespoons cream
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

Preheat broiler. Combine topping ingredients then spread evenly over the pie. Place the pie under the broiler until the topping is melted and bubbly (about a minute, give or take--watch it the whole time or it will scorch!). Let cool at least ten minutes to let the praline topping set before cutting and serving.

Cherry Almond Croissant Pudding with Cherry Brandy Sauce
(Source: adapted from Holiday Baking Magazine, 1999)

1 1/2 cups (or more) dried cherries
orange juice, heated
6 large croissants or 10-12 cocktail croissants, sliced in half lengthwise
8 large eggs
1 cup sugar
3 cups heavy cream (can use light cream or even half-n-half but it won't be as good!)
2 teaspoons vanilla (or a vanilla bean, scraped of its seeds)
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
pinch salt
1 1/2 cups (or more) sliced almonds, toasted

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cover the dried cherries with heated orange juice and set aside. Butter a 13 x 9 baking dish. Layer croissants in the pan so that there are no spaces between them and the entire surface is covered. In a large bowl, whisk the eggs with the sugar until light in texture and a paler yellow. Stir in cream, vanilla and almond extracts, and salt. Pour all over the croissants. Drain the cherries. Sprinkle them evenly over the croissants, then do the same with the almonds. Gently press the croissants down in the cream mixture so that they absorb as much of the liquid as possible.

Set the baking dish inside a larger one and pour hot tap water into the bottom pan until it comes about halfway up the sides of the inner pan. Bake for about 45 minutes or until pudding is puffed, browned, and just set in the middle. Remove the inner pan and let cool on a wire rack. Serve warm or chilled with Cherry Brandy Sauce (below).

Cherry Brandy Sauce:

5 large egg yolks
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup kirschwasser or cherry brandy
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
pinch salt

In a large, heatproof bowl, beat egg yolks and sugar until pale yellow. Beat in brandy, almond extract, and salt. Place the bowl over a saucepan of simmering water and cook until mixture is thick and creamy, stirring constantly.

Everything Comes After Stew...

"This was after stew, but so is everything. When the first man first clambered from the slime and made his first home on land, what he had for supper that first night was stew." (This is an excerpt from my very favorite book in the whole wide world, The Princess Bride by William Goldman. Yes, it's the same book on which the wonderful Rob Reiner movie is based, but the book is even better, trust me! It is laugh-out-loud hilarious!)

Nothing makes me feel better about myself...so efficient, so Martha-like...than managing to get a meal going in the crock pot before I leave for work in the morning and returning home to a dinner that has already been cooked for me that evening! It's like having your own kitchen staff in a homey little counter-top appliance. This time, the goal was stew because Cyd had been bugging me to make some, and because we managed to unearth a hunk of sirloin that had gone unnoticed for Lord knows how long in the big freezer. To fashion the stew, I took some general guidance from one of my favorite food writers, Laurie Colwin, and from her marvelous memoir, Home Cooking.

First, I cut up about 2 1/2 pounds of sirloin into bite-sized chunks. I seasoned the pieces liberally with salt, pepper, and paprika, and then tossed them around in about a cup of flour until coated. Then I heated up a few tablespoons of olive oil in a skillet and browned the beef in two batches along with two minced cloves of garlic per batch (that's four cloves total for the math-impaired). I added the first batch of browned beef (say that fast a few times--it's fun!) to the bottom of the crock pot. Then I sliced up a couple of ribs of celery and a very large, peeled onion, and cut maybe four large, peeled carrots into chunks. I placed half of this veggie mix on top of the first batch of beef, and then added two medium potatoes that I had also peeled and cut into chunks (though you may leave your potatoes unpeeled if you prefer). On top of the potato layer, I added the second batch of browned beef, the rest of the veggie mix, and another couple of cut-up potatoes.

In the now-empty skillet, I stirred together a small can of tomato paste, a 15-oz. can of diced tomatoes, a couple of cups of beef broth, a cup of good red wine, a glug or two of worcestershire sauce, two bay leaves, a small handful of parsley, and a goodly amount of both salt and pepper. I cooked this down for just 4 or 5 minutes to deglaze the pan of its yummy brown bits and to cook off most of the alcohol in the wine. Then I poured it all over the layers of would-be stew, covered the crock pot and turned it on high for about six hours. When Cyd got home, the vegetables were tender, so she turned it down to low and added some more beef broth until it was the preferred consistency. Then when I got home, I steamed some long-grained rice to serve the stew over (though Laurie Colwin prefers buttered noodles, rice is a holdover from my mom's cooking--we were big rice-eaters at my house as my dad was Hawaiian), and that was that. Easy-peasy!

Moose, er, Mousse from Jackson Hole

Unlike many folks, I am not a chocoholic. Still, sometimes, you just need it! I became obsessed today with the idea of chocolate mousse, and I had to come home and make some. I used a great recipe from way back in my culinary past, from the days of my only professional kitchen experience. You see, when I was in college, I worked at a ranch in Wyoming. That sounds rough, but it was really the kind of place where rich people went to have a "wilderness experience." I started out just cleaning cabins, but halfway through the summer, they lost both their prep cook and the person in charge of the laundry. I had my pick of those two posts. Guess what I picked? I may have made the wrong choice, as the new laundry gal just hung out watching talk shows and soap operas, ironing napkins all day. Meanwhile, I was up at 5 every morning, running up and down the stairs to the walk-in 800 times a day, chopping pounds and pounds of onions until I was blind from burning tears, ducking pots and pans being thrown by the moody gay chef, and being called a "f#cking b*tch" regularly by the crazy French chef (he meant it with love). Still, I loved it. I loved the hustle and bustle. I loved working with food. I loved feeding the guests three times a day. I loved feeding the staff with my own dishes. I loved learning more about cooking and improving my skills, eventually working my way up to breakfast cook. And I loved working with food professionals, even though they were clearly insane! All except one...a soft-spoken pastry chef named Kris, who strangely enough, ended up marrying and having children with the crazy French chef, Bruno, which I never did understand. In any case, this chocolate mousse was one of Kris' fine recipes, and it remains a treasured culinary souvenir from my time at the Crescent H Ranch in Jackson Hole.

Chocolate Mousse
(Source: Kris Scheibel)

1/3 cup sugar
6 tablespoons strong coffee (or 3 tablespoons coffee and 3 tablespoons Grand Marnier)
6 ounces semi-sweet chocolate
4 tablespoons half-n-half
3 egg whites, beaten to soft peaks
1 1/2 cups cold heavy cream, beaten until stiff

Dissolve sugar in coffee over medium heat. Set aside. Melt chocolate in double boiler. Whisk in half-n-half and coffee mixture. Cool.

Fold half of chocolate mixture into beaten egg whites, then fold that into the rest of the chocolate. Be gentle! Fold in the whipped cream. Spoon into glasses and chill at least four hours.

*Note: This is not the richest or densest of mousses, as it involves no yolks, and does not begin with a cooked custard. This is more of the lighter, frothier (egg white) ilk. But it's still darn good.

Percy's Big Adventure

WHOA! I know I say this every weekend, but that was a rough week! We are into the thick of the ugly part of the semester, and I am buried under papers. Then, as an added level of difficulty, I am swamped with student advisees during every "spare" minute. Whew! But the worst part of the week was Wednesday night when my old dog, Percy, went missing. I had let him out a little after midnight for the last potty run. I put Prunelle (the PBGV) on a long lead, but I didn't bother to hook up the old cocker spaniel. We haven't been for months, because he's so blind and deaf and arthritic...where's he gonna go? But I guess he showed me! When I went back out to let them in, Prunelle was there, but Percy had disappeared! To her credit, Prunelle tried to tell me. She was out there, barking her head off, and I kept yelling at her to shut up. Apparently, she was saying, "Percy's running away!" It was terribly foggy that night, and I guess he just got lost and confused and wandered off. But as we live on an extremely busy rural highway, I was terrified that he'd be hit by a car. So I was up all night, walking and driving around the neighborhood, trying to find him. Of course, he couldn't hear me calling because he's so deaf. I figured he was curled up under a bush or tree somewhere, and because he's mainly black, I couldn't see him. When the sun came up, I searched more thoroughly, and my wonderful next-door neighbor, Ken, walked every inch of the surrounding pastures, but he was nowhere to be found. I spoke to the neighbors, asking them to keep an eye out, and I called all the animal shelters and local dog catchers. Then I finally had to give up and go to work--I had student speeches that could not be postponed. I was upset all day long, and students kept asking me what was wrong. But I couldn't talk about it without breaking down. I just kept thinking that he had been hit by a car, or met up with a coyote that are prevalent around here, or as a couple of neighbors suggested, had just gone off somewhere to die. At almost 16, I know he's not long for this world, but I didn't want him to die alone and cold in the woods somewhere! The thought of it was more than I could bear.

But miracle or miracles, I got a call about 3pm from a farmer about a half a mile up the road. He had a little black cocker spaniel that he thought might belong to me. HALLELUJAH! The poor thing apparently fell into a ditch and got stuck in a mud hole for the night. And if that isn't bad enough, the farmer actually drove over the ditch with his tractor before his grandkids yelled that they spotted a little dog down there! So they pulled the poor old guy out of the mud, tried to clean him up a bit, fed him some cat food, and kept him wrapped in a towel in the cozy barn until I could get there to pick him up. And those kids were so sweet! They stayed with him, talking to him and petting him the whole time. They looked so sad when I came to take him home, and all they asked was if they could have a picture to remember him by. (Awwww! You know you're getting choked up over that one!) I promised them that I would bring one over. In the meantime, I took the old wanderer home and started the arduous process of cleaning him up. It took me 30 minutes of just rinsing the mud out before washing him, then 30 minutes of blow-drying, and at least another hour and a half to two hours of clipping to get him looking (and smelling!) good. I'm afraid that I had to shave off most of his hair, because after I got all the mud off of him, I found that he was stuck to the skin with tons of burdocks. Poor guy! But after his bath, haircut, a special dinner, and a good night's sleep in front of the heater, he was all better.

I was so grateful that my neighbors up the way found my sweet old man and returned him safely to me, that I decided to do a few things to show my appreciation. First of all, I wrote a letter to the kids from Percy, telling them a bit about himself and thanking them for saving his life. I also gave them a couple of copies of the picture above as they requested and a small cash reward. But of course, I had to make them some sort of special treat, too. I decided to make M&M shortbread, as I thought it would appeal to the kids. It's one of my favorite recipes. For adults, I usually swap out the M&M's for chocolate chips and then add some pecans. Then I leave off the cocoa glaze and instead top the bars by drizzling them with both caramel and chocolate ganache to make turtle shortbread. But the kiddies like the original version best:

M&M Shortbread

2 cups butter, softened
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
4 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
12 ounce package mini M&M's, divided

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Cream butter and sugars. Blend in vanilla, and add the flour and salt. Mix until just blended. Stir in 1 1/4 cups M&M's. Press into a jelly roll (half sheet) pan. (Feel free to halve this recipe and make it in a 9x13 oblong dish--that's why I did, and you can see that it made a pizza pan's worth of cookies!) At this point, you can either press in another 1/2 cup of M&M's lightly into the top of the dough before baking. But I prefer to save them to sprinkle on top of the cocoa glaze later. That way you can see them! But that's your call. In either case, bake the shortbread for 20-25 minutes until light golden brown. Cool, and then top with the following cocoa glaze:

1 cup powdered sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa powder
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
2 tablespoons milk

Whisk until smooth, then drizzle on the shortbread from a snipped baggie or a plastic squeeze bottle. Top with the reserved M&M's...if you chose to reserve them, that is.

Then I have just one more picture to share. This was our breakfast yesterday morning--a ham, cheese, and veggie scramble with the last of the Z bread for toast. It was so beautiful, that I was compelled to take a picture and share. But the main thing I want to brag about is not the beauty of the dish itself, but the fact that this scramble was made with swiss chard, herbs, and sweet peppers and topped with fresh tomatoes--all of which were grown in my garden!! Can you believe it? It's mid-November! I guess global warming has a few upsides. ;-)

A Great Day for Blue States!

If you'll pardon my non-culinary rant--a blue herring if you will--YYYYIIIPPPPEEEEE! It's a great day in America! Not only did the Dems take back the House, we may also still get the Senate by Christmas. ;-) Plus, we will have the very first female Speaker of the House, the first Muslim was just elected to Congress, we now have the majority of governorships, and Rumsfeld is quitting to boot? It's like my lungs are filled with fresh air for the first time in 12 years! WHOO-HOO! I was at my friends' house watching returns until after 1:00am last night. At first, there was some tension and much cursing from the brilliant political scientist in our midst, but soon, we were busting out the bubbly--literally! This was quite a change from the same party two years ago when a pall settled over the crowd early on, crickets began to chirp, and then quietly, people began to head home and take to their beds to curl up into a fetal position and cry, moaning, "Not again! Not again!" Personally, I think it was my cookies that pushed the tipping point this time. (Let Colbert have his Red State cake--harumph!) Ok, thank you for indulging me. Now back to our regularly-scheduled baking program...

There has been much to-do of late about whole grains. A big part of it is the repercussions from all the low-carb diets, I'm sure. (What the the h#ll IS whole-grain WHITE bread, anyway? Does anyone know? It makes me uncomfortable like irradiated beef and other genetically-modified foods do.) Another factor may be the publication of King Arthur Flour's new whole-grain baking book that all the blogging bakers are on about. Not that I have it, yet, mind you. I usually wait to find books on half.com--I'm just that cheap! But in the spirit of incorporating some whole grains into my repertoire, I decided to convert my favorite sugar cookie recipe to include some whole-wheat graham flour. In my mind, I pictured the cookies coming out like a fancy graham cracker or those wonderful British "digestive biscuits." Well, they weren't quite that graham-y, but it did give the resulting cookies a great toothsomeness and a lovely, nutty flavor. Furthermore, I think the graham flour made the dough sturdier, and it was a little easier to roll out and cut, and the cookies also held their shape better. Then for the icing, I thought an infusion of maple syrup would be a perfect complement. Sure enough, they turned out GREAT! And most of them disappeared at last night's election returns event. So here ya go, and feel free to color your icing any way you like. After all, this is America!

Graham Cut-Outs with Maple Icing
(Source: adapted from Gale Gand's basic sugar cookie recipe)

3/4 cup granulated sugar
8 ounces (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened at room temperature
1/2 cup vegetable shortening (I like butter-flavored Crisco)
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup whole-wheat graham flour (next time, I might go with 2 cups AP and 1 1/2 cups graham flour--but I wanted to err on the side of caution for my first attempt)

In a mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, cream the sugar, butter and shortening until fluffy. Add the egg, vanilla, baking powder and salt and mix. Add the flours and mix just until combined. Shape the dough into a large flat disk, kneading briefly if necessary to bring the dough together. Wrap in plastic wrap and chill 1 to 2 hours.

On a lightly-floured surface, roll out the dough 1/4-inch thick. Cut with your favorite shape of cookie cutter. Place on a Silpat- or parchment-lined baking sheet. Bake at 350 degrees until the edges of the cookies start to turn golden brown, about 10-12 minutes, depending on the size of your cookies. Transfer to a rack to cool completely before glazing with the icing below.

Maple Icing:

1 cup powdered sugar
2 tablespoons maple syrup
1-2 tablespoons whole milk or half-n-half

Whisk the ingredients together. If you need to, add more milk until it reaches the desired consistency. (You really want this a bit runny. It will set as it dries.) You may also add food coloring to this icing. I find it easiest to put the icing in a plastic squeeze bottle, then outline the shape of the cookies first, and fill in with additional icing. Use a small offset spatula to evenly spread the glaze over the cookie, add sprinkles if you like, and then set aside to dry completely before stacking or packing.

A Baking FRENZY...because I can!!

Friends, there was so much chaos last weekend because of the Halloween party that I have not had a proper chance to do the victory dance of a functioning oven (picture Roseanne Barr in her "Madonna-like leotard" from "Blonde and Bitchin," then when you've stopped snorting, I'll continue). I can't completely describe my deep, spiritual contentment as I pull out a tray of cookies after 15 minutes (the recipe said 12-15), and they are PERFECTLY done, caramel-brown on the bottom, and just turning golden on the top. Not scorched on one side and underdone on the other--but PERFECT! By the way, they were dang good cookies from my pal, Anna's website, not to mention, a handy way to use up extraneous Halloween candy that may be lingering about your house. Picture a peanut butter and honey cookie with a mini-Snickers inside. DELISH! So definitely check those out.

Then, of course, there was bread...oh yes, ridiculous amounts of bread. First, I made two white loaves from a poolish. But I accidentally fell asleep during the final proof, so they turned out tasty but squatty and unphotogenic (maybe YOU are!). But my second attempt of the weekend was a faaaabulous success. I made two loaves of the most byoo-tee-full sourdough challah. I would have never put those two things together, but it's delicious! You see, I was looking for an excuse to use some sourdough starter that I re-made this weekend. I had let my six-year-old King Arthur starter go bad at some point over the summer. But I always save some, dry it out, break it into pieces, and freeze it in case of just such an emergency. Then all you have to do is break it up more in the food processor, feed it with flour and a little honey or sugar and rehydrate it. Before you know, it will come back to yeasty, bubbly life, and you're back in baking business. Here's the recipe for the sourdough challah if you want to try your hand at it:

Sourdough Challah
(Source: www.baking911.com)

1 cup sourdough starter
1 cup very warm water (105 - 110 degrees F)
1 Tablespoon active dry yeast (I used instant)
1 Tablespoon honey
7+ cups bread flour (High gluten with a bit of barley flour-or unbleached all-purpose)
2 tsp salt
3 large eggs
1/4 cup vegetable oil (approximately)
1 egg yolk mixed with a few drops water
poppy seeds (I used black onion seeds)

Mix starter, water, yeast, and honey and let it bubble up while you do next step. In a large bowl mix 4 cups of the flour and salt. Make a well in the center of the flour/salt mixture and add eggs and oil. Add the frothy yeast mixture and stir with a thick-handled wooden spoon or paddle if you have one.

Add flour until the mixture pulls away from the bowl. It need not be smooth. Sprinkle flour on a counter or kneading board and put the dough in the middle. Scrape as much as you can from the mixing bowl and then wash the bowl for use in a later step. Knead the bread adding flour until it is smooth and elastic. It should feel like a baby's bare bottom when you pat it.

Place the dough in the mixing bowl which you have oiled. Cover with waxed paper and a tea towel and set it in a warm place to rise. It is ready when you can see your finger marks in the dough after you poke it. Turn it out on the board/counter and mash it down to remove large air bubbles. Braid into two or four loaves and place on oiled cookie sheets. Let rise for another half hour.

Set oven to 350F. Glaze leaves with egg yolk mixture and sprinkle liberally with poppy seeds. Bake for about a half hour rotating the trays in the oven. Loaves should sound hollow when thumped. Let cool.

And then, just when you think there couldn't possibly be any more bread, there was a knock on my door last evening as my own challah dough was still proofing. Mind you, we live in the middle of nowhere, and no one is ever just "in the neighborhood." But there on my doorstep was my beloved friend, June, bearing the most marvelous of gifts, a loaf of the infamous Z bread, still warm from the oven! Now I know the Good Book says that greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for another. But I'd say a very close second is the selfless act of baking the Z bread for a friend (without the hideous wrinkly bits they call raisins that I hate, it should be noted), and then immediately driving a half an hour north to deliver it, still warm and steamy to its intended consumer when she could have just given it to me today at work. That woman gets a free pass straight through the Pearly Gates for that utmost of loving acts! Just look at its glossy brown loveliness. And oy, the toast that it makes! Divine! Naturally, I swapped her for one of the challah loaves, as it was only right.


That has to be all, right? You'd think so! But even as I type, there is some sugar cookie dough chilling in the fridge, waiting to be rolled out and cut into cute little United States shapes for an election results gathering tomorrow night after pub trivia. Someone help me! I need an intervention! But remember, I have been ovenless for TWO MONTHS! Let me have my fun! Oh, and speaking of the elections, whatever your political persuasion or issue, please get out there and make your voice heard at the polls tomorrow. Despite the fact that this is a mid-term election, it is one of unprecedented importance. (Thus endeth the PSA...I've got more cookies to make.)

A quick, "cheater" soup...

Well, gang, I have relatively little to report in terms of cuisine this week. As you can imagine, we are still living off off the leftovers from the Halloween party! But after last night, we are down to just half a cheese ball and some veggies and dip which are nice pre-functions to have around any time, so that's fine. For dinner, we had the last of the stuffed mushrooms and the remaining portion of tomato tart. But I wanted something else, something NEW. Still, the thrifty part of me wanted to use up any extraneous party food. And, I should also mention, there was a light snow falling last evening and the fuel oil company missed our delivery this week, so we were chilled and needed to be warmed up. Soup seemed just the ticket!

Now this was a total "cheater" soup, but it was quick and easy and very satisfying. I made a version of Italian Wedding Soup by bringing about 12 cups of beef broth and some granulated garlic (maybe 2 teaspoons, or to taste) to a boil--homemade would be ideal, but the stuff in paper boxes works very well--and then added about three cups of shredded Swiss chard. Traditionally, escarole is the green of choice in this soup, but by some miracle, we still had Swiss chard in the garden, so I used that instead, and it was delicious. I cooked the chard for about fifteen minutes or so in the broth, then I added about a cup of dried orzo (although any small pasta would do, ditalini or pastini, for other examples), and cooked that until it was tender, another 9 or 10 minutes. Finally, I added a couple dozen small, pre-fab meatballs left over from the party (which I had nuked for five minutes from frozen), and stirred it all up. Before serving, I sprinkled on some freshly-shredded parmesan, and that was that. YUM! I just thought some of you might like a quick, weeknight soup idea for a chilly November evening. Enjoy!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, everyone! I apologize for the lapse in blogging over the past week, but we were up to our ears in preparations for our infamous Halloween party this past Saturday evening. There was much cleaning and decorating to do (mostly thanks to my roomie, Cyd), and much shopping and cooking to do (mostly thanks to me), not to mention costumes to coordinate, and so on and so on. But the fete was fabulous. Many of our friends came, and we ate and drank and made much merriment. Cyd likes to invent a signature cocktail for such occasions, and this year's was the pumpkin pie shot made with Pumpkin Smash liqueur topped off with a little Godiva white chocolate liqueur to simulate the whipped cream on top of pumpkin pie! Fun! There were fun games and prizes as well, including a Halloween trivia contest, a Halloween version of Celebrities, and of course, a costume contest that Cyd, dressed as Elphaba the "Wicked" Witch of the West, won! I came as Galinda, the "Good" Witch of the North, and I was pleased to receive one vote (we also played the soundtrack to Wicked all night--it was a theme). But personally, my vote was for my friend, June, who at age 51 (is that wrong to reveal?), came as Buffy the Vampire Slayer! She looked AMAZING in her little denim mini-skirt (from the Juniors department--the b#tch!), celtic cross t-shirt, and knee-high leather boots, complete with wooden stake and her husband, Tom, in tow as her watcher. So cute! It was also June's birthday that night, and I managed to procure for her a Buffy lunchbox off of Ebay. Apparently, it was only sold in Australia? In any case, it seemed the perfect gift for the rabid Buffy fan that she is! But the highlight of the party for me was when my friend, Vicky, sang a macabre little ditty called "Rickety Tickety Tin" while she was dressed as Pippi Longstocking. Tee hee.

So now we're experiencing the post-party doldrums. It always seems like you work on something for weeks, and then it's over in 15 minutes! So I thought I'd share some of the memories with you, and show you some of the food from the party. Now, I must forewarn you, the pictures are not that good because I was preparing things right up until the guests arrived, and I didn't have the time to take the well-lit beauty shots. Then I served the food, and by the time I found my camera and made it back to the buffet table, the dishes had already been hacked into, so you'll have to just imagine what they looked like before. And I confess, friends, that it really was a Sandra Lee, semi-homemade Halloween. But when you're doing a big buffet with lots of different dishes, I think it's permissible to take a few shortcuts as needed. Nevertheless, I think I made some pretty amusing and tasty things,

such as the bloodshot eyeballs (be-devilled eggs),

the spider's nest Mexican dip (layered dip in a trifle bowl with a sour cream spider's web and nest on top),










the goblin head cheeseball,









the snake bite sandwiches,













and the Vampire's Kiss bloody punchbowl.












But I have to give mad props to my multi-talented friend, Janice, and her equally creative daughter, Dominica, who made the wonderfully grotesque Cat's Meow (kitty litter) Cake made in a (new!) litter pan with layers of crumbled cake and pudding and topped with crushed ladyfingers and some disgustingly-molded Tootsie Rolls and served with a (new!) pooper scooper,






and also the frighteningly realistic (but yummy!) finger cookies. These were truly the most fabulously hideous dishes!

I have listed the complete menu and most of the recipes below. I hope everyone had a festive and frightening Halloween!

The Menu:

Crud(-ités) with Herb Curry Dip
Bloodshot Eyeballs (Be-devilled Eggs)
Spider’s Nest Layered Dip with Blue Corn Chips
Cheese Ball Goblin with Multigrain Crackers
Magical (Crab-Stuffed) Mushrooms
Tomato Tarts (made from the last of the tomato harvest--celebrate my victory over nature!)
Bloody Fleshballs (Maple-Cranberry Meatballs)
Snake Bites

Cat’s Meow Cake
Dismembered Finger Cookies
Espresso Brownies
Caramel Apple Bars

Vampire’s Kiss Punch
Wine (mostly red, of course!)
Beer (Magic Hat’s Hocus Pocus)
Pumpkin Pie Shots

The Recipes:

Curried Herb Dip (one of my old stand-bys)
(Source: Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook)

1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon fines herbs, crushed (I used Herbes de Provence)
1/4 teaspoon salt
2-3 teaspoons curry powder (to taste)
1 tablespoon fresh parsley, chopped
1 tablespoon onion, grated
1 1/2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons capers, drained (I chopped up some pepperocini instead)

Mix ingredients. Chill. Makes 1 1/2 cups.

Bloodshot Eyeballs (Be-devilled Eggs)
I like my devilled eggs with mayo, a little squeeze of yellow mustard, salt and pepper, and some finely minced nacho (jalapeno) slices or pepperocini. I tinted them an unnatural shade of blue with some paste food coloring, added a black olive slice for the pupil, and then I mixed paprika and dark chili powder into a little mayo and put it in a plastic squeeze bottle to make the bloodshot lines around the "eyeball."

Spider's Nest Layered Dip
(Source: adapted from Semi-Homemade Cooking)

Layer your dip in this order:
one can of refried black beans
shredded Mexican blend cheese (mixed with a little chili powder)
your favorite salsa, drained (I used a peach/pineapple/chipotle blend)
black olives, sliced or chopped
8 oz. cream cheese (softened) mixed with a cup of sour cream and a half a packet of taco seasoning
guacamole (I used three avocados mashed with some lemon juice, granulated garlic and salt to taste)
Then on top, make a small blob of sour cream for the "nest" and place a plastic spider on top of that, surrounded by concentric rings of sour cream that you draw out into a web pattern with a skewer. Serve with blue corn chips because they look dark and spooky!

Cheese Ball Goblin
(Source: adapted from Paula's Home Cooking)

2 8-oz. packages cream cheese, softened
4 tablespoons butter, softened
1 tablespoon milk
4 oz. blue cheese, crumbled
1 teaspoon worcestershire sauce
1 clove garlic, finely minched
2-3 tablespoons dried chives (feel free to use fresh if you have them--I didn't)
dash of cayenne (to taste)
salt and pepper (to taste)
1/2 cup walnuts, toasted and chopped
1 8-oz. container of whipped cream cheese

Mix the two packages of cream cheese with the softened butter and the milk. Then mix in the blue cheese, worcestershire, garlic, cayenne, and salt and pepper until well blended. Finally, add the walnuts. On top of a piece of waxed paper, form a large ball and chill for several hours (at least 4) until firm. "Frost" the chilled ball with the whipped cream cheese. Then fashion a face for him with some tortilla chip ears, curly parsley or shredded purple cabbage hair, stuffed green olive eyes, bell pepper eyebrows, a pepperocino nose, and carrot fangs. You can also make toes for him with more olives underneath the ball and pieces of pepper sticking out of the holes, but that's gilding the lily (also, I ran out of time to do this)!

Gary's Stuffed Mushrooms
(Source: adapted from www.allrecipes.com)

12 large fresh mushrooms, stems removed (I made 18 and there was still some stuffing left!)
1 (6 ounce) package chicken-flavored dry stuffing mix
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
2 cans crabmeat, drained
one stick of butter
2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
salt and pepper to taste
crushed red pepper to taste

1. Arrange mushroom caps on a medium baking sheet, bottoms up. Chop and reserve mushroom stems.
2. Prepare chicken-flavored dry stuffing mix according to package directions.
3. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
4. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter. Mix in mushroom stems and garlic and cook until tender, about 5 minutes. Strain the mushrooms and garlic, but reserve the melted butter.
5. In a medium bowl, mix together mushroom and garlic mixture, prepared dry stuffing mix, cream cheese, crabmeat and seasonings. Liberally stuff mushrooms with the mixture. Drizzle your sheet pan with the melted butter, then place the stuffed mushrooms on it, and drizzle them with more butter on top.
6. Bake uncovered in the preheated oven 10 to 12 minutes, or until stuffing is lightly browned. (It took mine more than 20 minutes!)

Maple-Cranberry Meatballs

I "cheated" and bought a bag of frozen Italian-style meatballs at Sam's Club. I defrosted them in the fridge overnight, and then filled the crockpot the next day. I made a sauce of one large onion sauteed with one clove of minced garlic, one cup maple syrup, 1/2 cup brown sugar, one can jellied cranberry sauce, one cup ketchup, about one tablesoon Worcestershire sauce, and about one tablesoon of whole-grained mustard. I poured this over the meatballs in the crockpot and left them to simmer all day until party time.

Snake Bites
(Source: adapted from Paula's Home Cooking)

1 can crescent rolls
Flour, for dusting
4 tablespoons spicy mustard
6 thin slices of ham
10 thin slices of Genoa salami
10 thin slices of sandwich-size pepperoni
1/2 cup grated cheese, your favorite kind (I used an Italian four-cheese blend)
green food coloring
1 whole egg, beaten
2 whole cloves
2 small pimiento-stuffed olives
piece of red pepper

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
Line a cookie sheet with foil or a Silpat. Grease the foil and set aside (no need to grease the Silpat).

Dust a flat surface lightly with flour. Spread out the crescent dough - do not separate. Pinch together the seams so that you have 1 piece of dough (wetting your fingertips helps here). Roll out to make a large rectangle. Make sure the dough is not stuck to the surface at all.

Brush the dough with the mustard, leaving a 1-inch border. Layer the meats down the center of the rectangle, leaving a 1-inch border on either end. You can feel free to use your favorite cold cuts.

Top the meats with the cheese. Fold 1 side of the dough over the filling, lengthwise. Then, fold the other 1/2 over and press the seal the filling inside. Take the egg, and beat lightly with a fork. Brush the egg wash over the top of the dough. The egg will act as the glue to hold. Fold the dough in 1/2 again lengthwise. Pinch the seam with your fingers to seal. Press the outside of the dough to make sure everything is sealed tight and to make an even thickness for the body of your snake. Taper 1 end of the dough to form a tail shape. Form the other end into a head shape.

Transfer the snake to the sheet tray and form into an "s" shape so it looks like the snake is slithering. Add some green food coloring to the rest of the beaten egg. Using a pastry brush, "paint" the snake with the egg yolk/food coloring mixture. Insert 2 cloves into the head to look like nostrils and 2 stuffed olives for eyes. Create a mouth and forked tongue with red pepper. Bake the snake for 20-25 minutes, or until golden brown and cooked through. Slice and serve.

Espresso Brownies
(Source: Everyday Italian, Giada De Laurentiis)

nonstick vegetable oil cooking spray
1/3 cup plus 2 tablespoons water
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2 large eggs
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons espresso powder (I used only 1 tablespoon and 1 teaspoon)
1 (19.8-ounce) box brownie mix (recommended: Duncan Hines--I used dark chocolate fudge)
3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, room temperature
handful of mini-chocolate chips (1/4 cup?)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Spray a 9 by 13-inch baking pan with nonstick spray. Whisk 1/3 cup of water, oil, eggs, and 1-2 tablespoons espresso powder in a large bowl to blend. Add the brownie mix. Stir until well blended. Stir in the chocolate chips. Transfer the batter to the prepared baking pan. Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center of the brownies comes out with a few moist crumbs attached, about 35 minutes. Cool completely.

Meanwhile, dissolve the remaining 1-2 teaspoons of espresso powder in the remaining 2 tablespoons of water in a medium bowl. Whisk in the vanilla. Add the powdered sugar and butter and whisk until smooth. Pour the glaze over the brownies. Sprinkle with mini-chocoalte chips. Refrigerate until the glaze is set. Cut into small pieces. Arrange the brownies on a platter and serve.

Caramel Apple Bars
(Source: Culinary in the Desert/Country, adapted from The King Arthur Cookie Companion)

For the crust:

1 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup butter
1 teaspoon cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup ground pecans (I used half pecans and half walnuts)
2 cups rolled oats

For the filling:
3 1/2 cups sliced apples (about 24 ounces)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup homemade caramel*

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Line a 9x13 pan with foil and lightly spray with cooking spray.

In a medium bowl, beat the brown sugar and the next 4 ingredients (through baking soda) until thoroughly combined. Mix in the flour, ground pecans and oats until crumbly. Scoop out 1 cup and set aside. Place the remaining crumbs into your prepared pan and press down firmly to coat the bottom.

Toss the apples in a large bowl with the salt and cinnamon. Arrange them over the crust. Drizzle the warm homemade caramel over the top and then sprinkle with the remaining crumbs you set aside.

Bake for 35 to 40 minutes until bubbly and the apples are just tender. Remove and let cool until they are just warm to the touch. Cut into squares. Try and let the bars rest until the caramel has set before serving.

*Homemade Caramel

1 cup heavy cream
2 cups brown sugar
1/4 cup light corn syrup
4 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon good quality vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt

Mix all of the above ingredients into a 2 quart saucepan. Heat over medium, stirring constantly, until it reaches soft-ball stage (230-234 degrees). Remove and gently pour your 1 cup over the apple mixture.

This recipe makes more than you will use so pour the rest into a 8x8 pan lined with foil and let cool. Cut into squares and you have your own homemade caramel squares!

Vampire’s Kiss Punch
I mixed a pomegranate-sour cherry juice that I found at Wal-Mart (Sam's Choice brand) with a 2-liter of cranberry-flavored Sierra Mist. Then I floated some plastic fangs in the punch, and squeezed some fake blood on the sides of the bowl, letting it drip down in a gruesome fashion.

"It can't get any worse."

I know last time I said you'd never believe it. But I'm not kidding this time. Just when I thought that there was no way that the oven situation could get any worse, it went to a whole new horrific level.

Do you want the good news or the scary, terrible news first? It's either the Halloween season or you all have been reading too much Lemony Snicket, because I sense you want the bad first. Tough luck. First, the good. The oven is operational at long last. Why am I not doing the Dance of Jubilation, you may ask? Well, settle in with your cozy pumpkin latte and let me tell you what I hope is the final, but nearly-tragic chapter in this seemingly endless tale. ("She's going to tell, she's going to tell...." Reference, anyone?)

So I get up at the crack this morning (which for me, is 8:00am...tee hee) to be ready to meet the gas man who is scheduled to come repair the broken gas line. By 9:00am, I was beginning to get nervous, as I had seen hide nor hair of him. So I called the company, and they said he was on his way. Indeed, he showed up around 9:30, I'd say, which gave me the opportunity to get a lovely pork roast with garlic, onions and homemade applesauce in the crock pot (you may say that this showed a distinct lack of faith in the oven being repaired, and as Billy Joel put it so eloquently, you may be right). Now it should be said, the repair man who we'll call Jeff--because that is his name--is very nice. In fact, as he worked, we had a long and productive chat about the lack of good customer service in his field and the resulting deterioration of customer loyalty. And as he is to be promoted to manager in the next couple of months, he will soon be in a position to make substantive changes to a company that has, well, kinda sucked in the service department, to say the least. Also to his credit--and this must be underscored as a pivotal plot point in my story--he was very careful to check both the stove's burners and the oven temperature before he left. In fact, he even finessed the burners so that I could get the lowest of possible simmers without losing the flame. What a guy!

However, right after he left, I thought to myself, it can't be that easy. Given my track record over the past two months, I just had the sense that something was going to go wrong. And before the repair guy got too far out of range to be paged back, I was going to check the oven one more time. I turned the dial up to 350 degrees, and I was going to see if it came up to temperature while I got dressed for work. I didn't even make it around the corner to my bedroom before I heard a loud BOOM! I came running back into the kitchen and turned the oven off again, but not before huge flames started shooting out from behind the oven and up the walls to the cabinets above. I started to panic and grabbed a watering can and poured some water on the flame (DUH! ineffectual on the gas fire). So I grabbed the fire extinguisher from underneath the kitchen sink. It was still in the box after seven years, so I ripped off the cardboard, but as the flames grew higher, I didn't even have time to read the directions. I just started clawing at the apparatus until everything that could come off of it did, and then I started to spray until the fire was out, which didn't take long. Then I called 911, and told them that I thought I had the fire out, but that someone should maybe come and check it out. Finally, I called the gas company and had the repair man paged back to the scene of the crime. Within minutes, there was a fire engine or two, a water tanker, an ambulance, men in full fire suits, about four volunteer trucks, and even the fire chief who left his day job at the hospital to rush to the big "house fire." Then shortly after that, poor Jeff arrived back at the house to face what looked like the entire Chazy VFD.

Long story short (WAY too late!), with the use of a thermal camera, they determined that the fire was indeed completely out. And there was amazingly little damage--just a little scorching of the drywall behind the stove. The range itself was, remarkably, unharmed, other than a thick coating of baking soda covering it (did you know that that was what comes out of a fire extinguisher for the most part?). The fire chief signed off on the situation as long as Jeff agreed to switched out the faulty connection to the stove (apparently, the appliance store installed the new stove using the old connector) and also the power cord, just to be on the safe side, in case the chemical retardant should compromise it. So when I left for work, Jeff was making the required repairs, and my trusty next-door neighbor was supervising so that I could get off to class (a half hour late!). But before I ran out the door, I asked Jeff if I had not have checked the stove again, what would have happened? My first concern was my animals, and I asked if the fumes would have killed them. He said no, that the vapors aren't lethal. But that amount of gas build-up would be so highly explosive, that even someone coming home and flicking on a light switch would have been enough to blow up the whole house. I can't even dwell on that point! All I can say is, THANK GOD that I decided to turn that knob one more time for good measure.

Obviously, this is a pointlessly rhetorical question to ask, but CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE THIS RIDICULOUS NIGHTMARE OF A STORY??? I know you can't. I know you think I've made it all up. But I have witnesses...namely, the entire hamlet of Sciota (all 18 houses' worth of folk) who came out to watch the goings-on this morning, much to my humiliation. And the punch line is this: the stove finally works and I could finally bake again, but I am scared to death to turn the thing on! So even as I type, I have a pot boiling on the nine-dollar Wal-Mart hot plate to make spaetzel (spatzen, to be precisely plural) to go with the yummy pork roast. Yes, yes, I will screw my courage to the sticking place sooner or later (especially as we are hosting a Halloween party this coming weekend), but during daylight hours when I won't have to wake up the volunteer firemen! ;-)

Maple Cheesecake Experiment

I went to dinner last night with my friends from work, and as we had one vegetarian among us, we chose the one restaurant in our town that has a decent number of vegetarian offerings. It's called Livingoods. I find the menu a bit uneven (some items are excellent, some just ok) and some entrees are too pricey ($18), but it's about the best thing we have here in culinarily desolate Plattsburgh! I quite enjoyed my appetizer--crispy, spicy Thai spring rolls with a sweet chili dipping sauce. I also sampled an excellent pizza with tomatoes, goat cheese, mushrooms, and chunks of roasted garlic. And the best thing we shared was balsamic-marinated portabello mushrooms with some sort of crab and walnut stuffing. Fabulous! My entree was something called a Fiesta Wrap, a fairly uninspired chicken, corn and black bean-type sandwich, but it did come with some yummy, freshly-made sweet potato fries.

But the best thing of all was dessert. Now, I don't usually order dessert in restaurants because I think my bill is already too high and/or because I always vainly think that I can make better sweets myself (for a fraction of the price)! But Livingoods does make their own desserts in-house, and I had sampled a very good Jack Daniels chocolate pecan pie there previously. So when I heard the magical words "maple walnut cheesecake," I was all in! It was really tasty, and afterwards, I asked if the chef would mind sharing the recipe. Well, can you believe the arrogance? He would not share! I know, I know. It's his prerogative, of course, but I hate it when people aren't generous with what they have. All of my best recipes came from other people, great cooks who were kind enough to share with others who had the same passion, and I am trying to pay that kindness forward with this blog. And really, who besides me and a handful of others in this tiny city is actually going to bother to make a cheesecake from scratch anyway? It's not like I have a restaurant, so I'm not going to sell this product and steal their business! Geez! It's just silly, especially when you consider that famous chefs in nationally-rated restaurants frequently share recipes when asked. In fact, a few years ago, I was lucky enough to dine at the restaurant at The Mill at Simon Pearce, a Fodor's Choice Award winner for 2006. And when I contacted the chef a few days afterward to compliment him on the meal, he e-mailed me all of the recipes that he used! Isn't that amazing? I love it when people are giving of themselves and their talents like that.

Anyway, this episode just annoyed me and made me think, I don't need your stinking recipe! I'll make my own and make it BETTER! Truthfully, the texture of their cheesecake was a little off, like it may have been a tad underbaked? And though I liked the idea of a short crust base, theirs was really too sweet. So I made my first attempt at creating a very maple-ly cheesecake with a maple-walnut shortbread crust. If I were a different sort of person, or if company was coming over, I might top this with some cooked spiced apples. But seeing as I just made this for me, I prefer to let the maple-ly goodness shine on its own! It turned out very well, I think. The texture of the cheesecake was just right, and the crust wasn't so hard that you couldn't get your fork through it like some cookie crusts. And I think the level of maple flavor was spot-on. So my experiment was a success (even though I had to bake it over at my neighbor's house again!), and now I am happy to share the recipe with all of you. Harumph!

Maple Vanilla Bean Cheesecake with Maple-Walnut Cookie Crust

Crust:
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup maple sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 1/2 cups flour
1 cup walnuts, toasted and roughly chopped

Cheesecake Filling:
1 cup maple syrup
1/2 cup heavy cream
4 8-ounce packages cream cheese, softened
4 tablespoons maple sugar
1 vanilla bean, split and scraped (or 1 tablespoon vanilla extract)
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 eggs

In a stand mixer, cream the softened butter and both sugars. Add salt and cinnamon. Mix again. Add the flour and mix just enough to combine. Add in the walnut pieces and mix briefly once again. Spread the soft dough into the bottom of a large cheesecake pan with a removable bottom. Chill in the refrigerator for at least 15 minutes or so while you preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Bake the crust for about 20 minutes or until it is a pale golden color. Let cool from hot to warmish or even room temperature.

While the crust is baking, boil the maple syrup for about three minutes then remove from heat. Add the heavy cream to the hot, reduced syrup and whisk together. Chill until at least room temperature.

Beat the two pounds of cream cheese until very smooth. Mix in the maple sugar, vanilla seeds (or extract), and salt. Add in the maple cream and mix well. Then add the eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each. Pour the cheesecake filling over the cooled crust and rap the pan a bit to pop any little bubbles that may have formed. Bake at 350 degrees for about an hour or until the center of the cheesecake is no longer so wobbly as to appear liquid. Cool in the pan to room temperature, and then chill thoroughly for six to eight hours or overnight. Serve with a drizzle of maple syrup, some sweetened vanilla whipped cream, and a sprinkling of chopped, toasted walnuts.

Hail to the hot plate!

I don't even know why I bother to tell this story. I mean, no one is going to believe me. And still, tell it, I must. So the appliance store called toward the end of last week and asked us when we wanted the new (new-new or second new!) stove delivered. They would prefer Tuesday, but as Cyd is off on Mondays, they kindly agreed to squeeze us in on Monday. But by 10am that morning, they had still not called to confirm a two-hour window of arrival. So as I was departing for work, I suggested that Cyd give them a call. As it turns out, though they called us to make the appointment, the range hadn't even arrived at their store yet. How did next week look for us for delivery, they asked. Well, I am not sure what possibly (highly likely) profane words were uttered by my roommate at that point, but the next thing I heard, they had decided to give us an upgraded stove that they had there at the store, and it would be delivered between 2-4pm! HALLELUJAH! Wouldn't that have been a fitting end to this never-ending tragic tale?

But it's never that easy for me. By the time I got home, eager to see the new appliance, dreaming that it might actually have a light and a clock/timer (ooh! deluxe!), there was a note taped to the garage door warning me first of wet paint inside and secondly, that now not only did the oven not work, neither did the stove/burners! Apparently, as they were installing the new range, the gas line was kinked and it broke. So they turned off the gas and directed us to call our gas company to schedule a repair. And of course, they can't come until next Tuesday! This news was so profoundly depressing to me, that I went directly to bed (at 9pm!) and did a fair amount of frustrated weeping before finally passing out from the emotional exhaustion. I mean, come on! How can this be happening? Most people I know around here only use their ovens to store pots and pans in. But even if they did use it, if it broke, they would just buy a new one, and within a week or so, they'd be back and and running, er, baking. But not me! This has now been going on for almost two months. TWO MONTHS! And not only are we lacking an oven, but now the stove as well! What have I done to so offend the gods that they continue to mock me thusly? Oh, the humanity!

So until next week, I am limited to what I can do with a microwave, a crockpot, an electric skillet, and a new single-burner hot plate that I picked up for less than nine bucks at the Wal-Mart. As it turns out, you can do quite a lot without a stove! In fact, Cyd had been bugging me to do something with the rest of the enormous cabbage that we bought at Windmill Point Farm a few weeks ago, so I decided to make Martha's mother's cabbage rolls. I don't even like cabbage as a general rule, and I love these. I first made them several years ago to welcome a new neighbor from the Ukraine, and she reviewed them quite favorably and said that they tasted authentic. This recipe from Mrs. Kostyra is Polish, of course. But I think it's like the plum dumplings--there aren't that many variations on the recipe, regardless of which Eastern European country the recipe originates from. Then again, I'm sure that none of those people ever had to cook their rice in the microwave (it takes longer, but surprisingly, turns out perfectly) or boil their cabbage on a nine-dollar hot plate, but one must do what one can do in times of suffering. ;-)

Stuffed Cabbage Rolls (Golabki)
(Source: adapted from Martha Stewart Living)
Serves 6 to 8

1 large green cabbage (about 2 1/2 pounds)
4 tablespoons butter
1 large (or 2 small) onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 medium green pepper, finely chopped
2 celery stalks with leaves, finely chopped
2 cups cooked rice
8 ounces ground beef
8 ounces ground pork
salt and pepper
1 tablespoon dried parsley flakes
4 cups tomato purée (or a combo of crushed tomatoes and tomato sauce)
1 Granny Smith apple (or cooking apple of your choice), peeled, cored, and chopped
1 teaspoon (or 2!) granulated garlic
1/2 cup sour cream, plus more for garnish

1. Using a paring knife, remove center core of cabbage. In a large stockpot, bring 2 quarts water to a boil. Add cabbage, and cook until outer leaves are bright green and tender, about 2 to 3 minutes. Lift cabbage from water, and remove outer leaves. Return cabbage to boiling water, and repeat brief cooking and removal of leaves until all leaves are cooked. Reserve 2 cups cooking water. Trim thick center vein from bottom of each leaf. Reserve four large outer leaves to line bottom of pan. Set aside.

2. In a medium skillet, melt butter over medium heat. Add onion, garlic, green pepper and celery and cook until golden and tender, about 8 minutes. In a large bowl, combine vegetable mixture, rice, beef, pork, salt, pepper, and parsley flakes. Stir to combine.

3. Add about 1/3 cup rice filling to one cabbage leaf. Fold sides of cabbage over filling, and starting with the stem end, roll the cabbage up. Repeat with remaining leaves and filling.

4. Line a 5-quart Dutch oven or stock pot with reserved outside leaves. Transfer stuffed cabbage leaves to the pot.

5. In a large bowl, combine the tomato purée, apple, reserved cooking water, some additional salt and pepper (to taste) and the granulated garlic. Pour the tomato sauce over the cabbage rolls. Cover and bring to a gentle simmer for 1 hour or until cabbage is very tender. Remove cabbage rolls to a large, somewhat deep platter.

6. Add sour cream to the pot and whisk to combine with the tomato sauce. Ladle finished sauce over the cabbage rolls, and serve with additional sour cream and a sprinkling of parsley.